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10464 Azalea Rd.
Berlin, MD 21811

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Berlin, MD 21811
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Autumn of 23
10464 Azalea Rd.
Berlin, MD 21811

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I made out like a bandit on my birthday. Omaha Steaks, Harry and David, Mr. Sausageman, three bottles of wine, a bag of hard candies, chocolate covered cherries and other assorted goodies. I expect the same ten years from now.

I checked the internet. 16% of all men born in 1932 are still alive. 34% of all women from 1932 are still here, That holds true for my HS class. Four boys are left and nine girls.   

Heather furnished shrimp and cherrystones. Cassandra fixed the lobster and made a delicious cake. King Farouk never had it this good. 

Nelson

Azalea Rd 

October 2022

Sunday

A chilly Sunday Morning. A bit of snow on the ground at 25 degrees. My nephew in College Park got 16 inches.

    What did Allen get?

12/4

Practice on 12/4

 

5/22

rattler

That is one huge rattler.

        They should turn him loose so he can reproduce.

        Ticks are out in full force. In the last two days, I have removed three from behind my left knee.

        A nice cool sunny day.  Jeanne just cut a mess of asparagus. We'll have that, lettuce and a nice grilled chop of some description.

        We ate at the Globe Saturday nite. It's not cheap. I had a Bass Ale draft for $4. Smitty would choke. hoho

   

Love to Alllllll!

from e-mail

Take ten and relax.

5/21

to second blog.
Monday at 12:54

New Book 2

Hi Folks! Here's my latest effort. Hope you all enjoy.

 

Click on 'Taylorville Tales' to buy or down load. I've tried to keep the price way down!   Please also send this to at least ten people from your address book. I would like this ad to circle the earth twice in ten days. Remember you are helping a needy farmer buy a tractor.
Nelson

Taylorville Tales by Nelson Lynch Description: The CIA suspects two good old Taylorville boys of being terrorists on their way to Baghdad. The wife says they are in the poolhall shooting nine-ball and one-shot harrigan. The CIA thinks those are code words for the hydrogen bomb and the Ebola virus. Two aliens spend their time in a bar drinking tequila with beer chasers. They pick up two out of work chorus girls in a Vegas bar and head for a motel. All of this when they were supposed to be looking for an engine part. The captain sends the executioner to take care of the problem. An alien captain is very interested in Earth Base 41's communication officer. She wants to invite him over for a late night dinner, conversation and a few other things. Printed:   $11.72 Download:   $2.50 License: Standard Copyright License

 

 

 

It's April in Taylorville
Time to get the garden ready.

New Book

 

Hi Folks! Here's my latest effort. Hope you all enjoy.

 

Click on 'Taylorville Tales' to buy or down load. I've tried to keep the price way down!   Please also send this to at least ten people from your address book. I would like this ad to circle the earth twice in ten days. Remember you are helping a needy farmer buy a tractor.
Nelson

Taylorville Tales by Nelson Lynch Description: The CIA suspects two good old Taylorville boys of being terrorists on their way to Baghdad. The wife says they are in the poolhall shooting nine-ball and one-shot harrigan. The CIA thinks those are code words for the hydrogen bomb and the Ebola virus. Two aliens spend their time in a bar drinking tequila with beer chasers. They pick up two out of work chorus girls in a Vegas bar and head for a motel. All of this when they were supposed to be looking for an engine part. The captain sends the executioner to take care of the problem. An alien captain is very interested in Earth Base 41's communication officer. She wants to invite him over for a late night dinner, conversation and a few other things. Printed:   $11.72 Download:   $2.50 License: Standard Copyright License

 

 

 

 

It's April in Taylorville
Time to get the garden ready.

New book

Please click on Taylorville Tales to go to Lulu Publishing If you would like to buy my humorous collection.

 

Taylorville Tales by Nelson Lynch Description: The CIA suspects two good old Taylorville boys of being terrorists on their way to Baghdad. The wife says they are in the poolhall shooting nine-ball and one-shot harrigan. The CIA thinks those are code words for the hydrogen bomb and the e boli virus.   Two aliens spend their time in a bar drinking tequila with beer chasers. They pick up two out of work chorus girls in a Vegas bar and head for a motel. All of this when they were supposed to be looking for an engine part. The captain sends the executioner to take care of the problem.    These twenty-two tales are all in a humorous vein with a few having light sexual overtones.

 

 

            Or go to Lulu and browse their selection. To find my book, search for Taylorville, Hogskull or Nelson Lynch.

Final Episode

The ogre looked up from his breakfast and smiled at the two people. The dog
entered through a dog-door and trotted to his master's side. He pointed at
two empty plates at the table. "Sit down and have some breakfast. I've been
expecting you guys." He pointed at a shelf on the far wall where the goose
had a straw nest. "She came back last night so I knew you two were
successful." He waited a few seconds and yelled toward the pantry. "We have
guests. Two more breakfasts, they've done a lot of climbing and are
starved." His loud voice rumbled around the cavern-like kitchen.

The pantry door open and Jack's mother stepped out carrying a
dozen chicken eggs. She rushed over to her son and gave him a big hug. "It
was so nice of you and Red to rescue the ogre's goose from those thieving
trolls." She hugged him again and kept on talking. ""The ogre has hired me
as his housekeeper. Isn't that nice. Next week we are going to drift over
Las Vegas and do the town." She backed off a few feet. "It's so nice to see
you and Red. I'll make splendid western omelet for you two."

The ogre grinned sheepishly at Jack and then at Red. He rose from
the table and started walking toward another room. "Come on. I have Red's
reward in the next room."

Red jumped up and was at the door in three seconds. She opened the
door and stepped in. Tears formed in her eyes. She turned around and gave
the ogre a hug around his waist. She turned back to the bright pink Harley
Hog. "It's what I always wanted." She straddled it and pulled it upright.
"Look, it even has a CD player." She turned the key and the Hog roared to
life. Its twin cylinder's exhaust echoed around the room. She killed the
ignition. "What is Jack's reward?"

"He gets to visit his mom every week and maybe take a trip to Las
Vegas or Atlantic City. There he can hit the crap tables, play the slot
machines and play Texas-Hold'em. If he loses, we can always cash in another
egg." He looked at Red Ridinghood and then at Jack. "How does that sound?"
7413 12/30/2005 2:24:49 PM 7458

Love to All from the Farm
in Two Double-aught Six.

Episode 22

The goose came out of the cage like a runaway locomotive. Its sharp toenails
and beating wings hit Jack on his head. In four or five wing beats, it went
out the loft door and disappeared in the night.

"Now look what you've done. You let our fortune fly through your
hands." She lit up the cage with her flashlight. "Get all those eggs and let's
get out of here." Ten minutes later, Jack stopped trotting and leaned
against a pine tree growing along the road going through the dark woods. "I've
got to rest. These eggs are heavy." He slid down into a sitting position.

Red looked behind them down the dark road. "I don't see or hear
anything." She tried to see Jack's face. "How many eggs do we have?"

"Ten."

"Five for me and five for you." Red danced a few steps in the
leaves.

"Aren't we going to give them back to the ogre? They are his eggs,
you know. He might not release my mom if we don't return them."

"How can you be so dumb?" She flicked the light in his eyes. "Your
mom is already free as a bird and doesn't want to leave. The ogre is
probably trying to get rid of her. Give me my five eggs. I'm going to
grandma's house and hide them. The big bad wolf can guard them. I'll meet
you at the beanstalk at daylight."

Jack walked around the beanstalk as the first rays from the sun
glistened on the upper leaves. He had his hand on the first branch when he
heard Red Ridinghood.

"You weren't going up without me, were you?" She gave Jack a
playful punch in the ribs. With a small jump, she was on the first branch
and climbing hand over hand like a red headed monkey. She stopped ten feet
below the fleecy white clouds and waited for Jack. "Above all, don't mention
the golden eggs. If the ogre asks, we didn't see any. The thieving evil
trolls must have them all." She waited until Jack got enough of his breath
to nod his head. "OK, let's go on up."

The two-headed dog was lying in the courtyard watching them get
off the beanstalk. One head snarled while the other panted happily.

Red Ridinghood petted the happy head and continued walking toward
the castle. She went to the same entrance, opened the door and entered
without knocking. She pointed at the staircase going down. "Let's see what's
down there." She took the steps two at a time and entered huge basement. A
wicker gondola was hanging over a circular hole in the floor. Grayish white
clouds floated by just below the hole. Over the gondola was a huge
electrical winch with miles of a thin steel cable wrapped around the drum.
"Here's how the ogre gets down to the surface." After a brief glance, she
turned and walked up the stairs to the kitchen.

Love to All from the Farm
in Two Double-aught Six.

Episode 21

"Look at it this way. He a rich ogre. He has his own castle. He
can drift all over the world and visit strange places. He might even marry
your mom." She looked Jack in the eyes. "Then you would be his rich
son-in-law. How does that sound?"

Jack smiled widely for the first time. "Sound better all the time.
What do we do now?"

She looked at her watch and the setting sun. "The trolls will soon
be partying and swilling the ogre's beer. We'll join the party and act as if
we are drinking heavily. I'll sneak around inside and look for the goose. It
it's not there, we search outside later."

The troll held up an Australian beer when Red and Jack entered
Snow White's living room. "How are things going?" He walked over and handed
Red a beer.

Red slapped his hand from her hip. "Fine Dopey, how are things
with you? Where is Snow White?" She walked away without waiting for an
answer.

Jack went to a cooler and saw nothing but Australian beer. He
sipped on it for three hours. Red was in the doorway giving him the 'come on'
sign.

"There's no goose in the house. Snow White is visiting
Rumpelstiltskin. Let's mosey outside and check the outbuilding while
everyone is still drinking. That goose is somewhere nearby." She turned and
disappeared into the darkness.

Jack stepped outside and waited for his eyes to adjust to the
faint moonlight. He saw Red open the door to the first shed. He caught up
with her as she opened the door to the second shed. "What was in the first
shed?"

She shook her head and aimed her flashlight around the interior.
"Nothing here either. The goose has to be in the barn. Be careful and don't
make any noise." She turned her light off and walked quietly to the barn
door. She stepped in and waited for Jack. She flashed her light around the
room and went back to a wooden cage with a wire door. "This might be it."
Her voice was low and husky with excitement. "Don't let the goose get away.
You grab her when I open the door."

Jack got down on his knees in front of the door. He waited ten
seconds after Red opened the door before peering into the cage. He glanced
up and grinned. "I saw a few gold eggs. How much is one worth, you suppose?"

Love to All from the Farm
in Two Double-aught Six.

Episode 20

Red was entering the house as Jack jumped down from the lowest
branch. "My mom would never do such a thing." He walked into the house when
Red didn't answer. "What are you looking for? The goose isn't here."

Red picked up the note from the bureau and quickly scanned it. "Is
this your mother's handwriting? I thought your mother graduated from the
eighth grade. A second grader wrote this." She sat on the corner of the
bedsprings and handed the note to Jack.

Jack read the note twice and began shaking his head. "This isn't
from her. Whoever it was didn't even spell my name correctly." He folded the
note and stuck it in his hip pocket. "Who could have done it?"

Red rolled her eyes at the ceiling. "Who do you think? It has to
be one or more of those evil trolls over at Snow White's."

Jack sat opposite her in an old rocking chair. "How could they
have gotten up to the ogre's castles to steal his beer and goose?"

She walked slowly outside to the beanstalk and looked upward
thinking about the trolls and a way to the castle. "The ogre has to have a
way down. Do you remember when we entered the castle, there was a flight of
steps going down. I'll bet he has a gondola basket on an electric winch so
he can come down when ever he wants. The trolls must have seen him come
down. While your mother was entertaining the ogre, the trolls went up in the
basket, stole the beer and the goose. They came back down before the
entertainment was over." She grinned at Jack and kept nodding her head.

"What do you meant by entertaining?" Jack raised his voice a
notch. "He's an ogre. Don't you realize that?"

Red Ridinghood ignored Jack's statements. "Your mother got up
during the night, saw the beanstalk, realized where it went and climbed up
to the castle. The trolls came back later, saw the beanstalk and knew we
would climb it. They tore up the house, left a note and hoped the ogre would
kill us for stealing his beer and goose. That's why they gave us the beer to
take home." She paused for a few seconds. "How does that sound to you?"

Jack looked up at the spiraling beanstalk and smiled weakly at
Red. "Sounds OK except for the entertaining part."

Love to All from the Farm
in Two Double-aught Six.

Episode 19

"What are you looking for? We can't waste time looking at the scenery. We've
got to find the goose so the ogre will find my mom."

Red pushed another leaf out of her line of vision. "Forget your
mom for a while. Where ever she is, she's OK." She pointed with her head.
"There's Snow White's home. The ogre's goose is there some where." She
released the leaves and leaned against the beanstalk. She grinned as a low
cloud enveloped the beanstalk. "That goose will make us rich. Just think, it
lays golden eggs." She thought for a few seconds. "Grandma's old goose use
to lay an egg every day. We'll have fifteen golden eggs apiece in a month's
time." She dropped down two branches and looked up. "I think I'll buy me a
brand new Harley Hog."

"You can't do that." Jack hurriedly climbed down trying to keep up
with Red Ridinghood. "We have to return the goose to the ogre. He's going to
find my mom."

Red kept dropping like a stone. "I told you to forget your mom.
She's in no trouble." She dropped another hundred yards. "I think your mom
is up there in the ogre's castle safe and sound."

Jack was only ten feet above Red. "Why do you think that? He
kidnapped her."

Red stopped a hundred yards over Jack's home. She spread the
leaves and studied the surrounding area. "I don't think the ogre kidnapped
your mom. Your mom is decent looking, a widow and lonely. I'll bet she's
been paying visits to the ogre for a long time or vice-versa." She smiled at
Jack and dropped to the next lower branch. "The ogre isn't bad looking.
Somehow he's had a bad press and nothing good has ever been written about
him." She dropped quickly out of sight below the leaves.

Jack scrambled after her. "Have you lost your mind? My mom would
never date an ogre." His yell bounced from leaf to leaf down to a smiling
Red Ridinghood.

Love to All from the Farm
in Two Double-aught Six.

Episode 18

          “Whoa, call off the dogs.” Red pulled closer to the table. “We didn’t steal your beer. We got these from a party at Snow White’s last night. We’ve never been here before.”

          The ogre looked at Red for five seconds. Then he waved his hand at the dogs. One head relaxed completely while the other head kept showing its teeth. “Maybe that’s the truth and maybe it’s not.” He thought for a few more seconds. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do. You two go back down the beanstalk and find my goose and I’ll find your mother. If those lying thieving trolls stole my beer, they probably also stole my pet goose.

          Jack glanced at the snarling dog for an instance. “Are you sure you can find my mom? She’s a delicate thing and not use to being around strange people. She may have a nervous breakdown.”

          The ogre shook his head and gave a half grin half leer. “Don’t worry about your mom, I can find her in a heart beat.” He pointed at the door. “You two go and find my goose. Bring her back safe and sound and you will get your mother.” He glanced at Red. “You’ll also get a reward.” He slapped on the table. The dogs snarled and snapped at Jack’s ankles. “Go now!” He turned back to the table and cut another slice of coconut cake as Jack and Red Ridinghood hurried out the door in front of the howling dogs.

          Jack was sitting on a branch as Red jumped onto the beanstalk, one step ahead of the snapping teeth. He managed a weak grin toward Red. “Mean critters, aren’t they.” He broke off a branch and tried to hit the meanest head.

          Red didn’t hesitate, she began her decent dropping from one branch to the next like a circus acrobat, hardly ever using her feet. In a few seconds, she was out of Jack’s sight, dropping like a lead sinker through the white clouds.

          Jack took his time and carefully climbed down the beanstalk. After a few hundred yards of swirling clouds and wet air, he emerged from the clouds to find Red sitting on a branch. She was holding two huge leaves apart and looking downward. “What are you looking for? We can’t waste time looking at the scenery. We’ve got to find the goose so the ogre will find my mom.”

Love to All from the Farm
in Two Double-aught Six.

Episode 17

The ogre pursed his lips stared at the two for five seconds. “OK, come on down to the kitchen and we’ll have another slice. Then you can tell me what you are doing up here in my kingdom.” He slapped his thigh and nodded at the dog. The dog spun around and ran down the kitchen.

The ogre cut two fair sized slices and one huge slice for himself. He placed them on saucers of delicate china, passed out silver forks and sat down at the kitchen table.

Red ate half of her slice in a few seconds. “This is, without a doubt, the best coconut cake I’ve ever tasted. Who made it?” She put another huge portion in her mouth.

The ogre waited until his entire saucer was clean. “I did. I baked this and the other pies yesterday. I’m glad you like it.” He turned slightly and looked at Jack.

Jack pushed his empty saucer to the center of the table. “I agree with Red. Absolutely delicious.”

The ogre smiled widely for the first time showing a perfect set of teeth. “Now, what are you two doing in my kingdom?

Red gave a small piece to the happy dog. “We are looking for Jack’s mother. Someone had made a shambles of her bedroom. She left a note saying she had been kidnapped by the,” Red paused and looked at the ceiling, “the ogre. We assumed you climbed down the beanstalk and took Jack’s mother back to your castle.”

“Why would I want to kidnap her?” He looked at Jack. “Believe me, I did not kidnap your mother.”

Jack gave a very brief nod. “If you didn’t kidnap her, who did?” Jack opened his backpack looking for a handkerchief.

The ogre’s face darkened. He reached over and took the Australian beer from Jack’s backpack. “What do we have here? I had ten cases of Australian beer stolen from my pantry last week. So now I have caught the two thieves.” He nodded at the dogs and slapped table. Both heads began snarling viscously and moved to within a foot of Jack’s chair.

Episode 16

The sound of the main door opening reached them. The dog’s toenails made a scratching noise when he ran across the enormous room. Footsteps echoed louder as the ogre approached the kitchen. They heard the kitchen door open and the saw the two-headed dog pranced into the kitchen. A second later, the ogre appeared walking toward the baking counter. His curly hair seemed close enough to touch. He reached the counter top and stared at the coconut cake. He picked up the cake to eye level, turned it at different angles and felt of the cut sides. He set it down; put both hands on the counter and stared.

Jack shuddered as the ogre looked around the kitchen and seemed to look through the grate.

The ogre backed away from the counter, clapped his hands and yelled. “Someone has been in my kitchen.” He nodded at the two-headed dog. “Find that person. You will be rewarded with a juicy tidbit.”

The dog let out a jubilant howl and raced through the open door. He lost his traction on the marble floor and slid to the foot of the stairs. He howled triumphantly as he got to his feet and bounded up the steps ten at a time. A second later, he was scratching at the library door.

The ogre was grinning widely as left the kitchen. He took his time walking across the ballroom floor.

Jack looked for another door in the library. He raced around the room hoping for an exit. “How can we get out of here? He’ll kill us for sure.”

“Relax. He’s not going to kill us. All we’ve done is enter his castle and eat an extremely thin slice of cake.” She waited hearing footstep coming up the staircase and then the short distance to the library door.

“Fee, fie, foe, bake, I smell coconut cake.” The ogre laughed and knocked on the door. “Who is in there?” He pushed open the door and stepped into the room. The dog brushed by his leg and jumped to the center of the room. One head was snarling at Jack, the other head was looking at Red with a pleasant face.

Red walked over and petted the friendly head. “We climbed the beanstalk and found your home. The cake was so deliciously smelling, I just had to have a tiny slice.”

Episode 15

Jack watched her enter, hesitated another few seconds before making a run to the door. Eleven seconds later, he was standing beside Red Ridinghood in a small foyer. There were two doors and a stairway going up and a stairway going down. He backed up a few steps as Red carefully opened the door.

Red looked out over a huge room. A marble fireplace dominated one end of the room, a white grand piano sat under a spiral staircase leading to a balcony and water fell into a round aquarium in the center of the room. Goldfish and other tropical fish were at the glass staring at Red Ridinghood. She eased the door shut and opened the second door. Aromas from pies, cakes, gingerbread and other baked good flooded her nose. She followed her nose and walked into the large kitchen.

She was cutting a very thin slice from three quarters of a coconut cake when Jack caught up with her. “What are you doing?” Jack kept his voice low and checked the doors. “The ogre will miss the cake. Then we will be in deep doo-doo.”

Red Ridinghood shook her head. “It’ll never happen. He’s too busy searching for his goose to miss a small slice of cake.”

A distant rumbling sound entered the kitchen. The lamps hanging from the ceiling swayed gently in the still air. A dog was barking from the direction of the beanstalk.

“He’s back.” Jack ran to a window. “There he is standing beside the plant petting a dog.” He moved his head to see better. “Not just any dog but a gigantic two-headed monster. What are we going to do?”

Red ran to the window. “Oh, oh, he’s coming this way.” She ran to an opened door, dashed across the huge room and took four steps at a time going up the spiral staircase. She opened the second door and entered a library. Book shelves went up twenty feet and still didn’t come close to the ceiling. For a change, Jack was right on her heels. She knelt beside a grate in the floor that allowed heat from the kitchen to enter the room. More rumbling and barking occurred, this time closer, much closer.

Jack knelt on the opposite side of the grate. “What are we going to do if he finds us? My mother says the ogre bites the heads off people he doesn’t like. I’m too young to die. Let’s make a break for it and climb down the beanstalk.”

Red shook her head. “We’d never make it. That two-headed dog looks awful mean. Just be quiet. Maybe he found his golden goose and is in high spirits like Snow White is with her prince charming.”

Episode 14

Jack crept across the hay to another crack between the boards. “He’s an ugly ogre, isn’t he?”

Red Ridinghood kept her eye trained on the ogre. She watched him stop at the beanstalk for a few seconds. He looked at the barn and sniffed the air. Then he grabbed the beanstalk and jumped into the hole. One second later, he had disappeared. Red turned around and walked to the ladder. “He didn’t look ugly to me. He was just a big good-looking guy.

“What are you talking about? He’s just a bigger version of Rumpelstiltskin.” He watched Red begin to climb down the ladder. “Where do you think he’s going?” He hesitated a second. “Where are you going?”

Red was walking through the different rooms in the first floor of the barn. “I see some nests.” She shook her head sorrowfully. “Not a single golden egg.”

Red Ridinghood walked to the open doorway of the barn before she answered Jack. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure our where the ogre is going. He’s searching for his goose that lays the golden eggs.” She walked across the courtyard to the blacksmith shop, keeping one eye on the beanstalk.

Jack followed closely. “What will he do? The goose isn’t down there. We need to find it so we can rescue my mother.”

Red shook her head showing a bit of disgust. “Forget your dumb mom for a while. If we find the goose, we are certainly are not giving it back to the ogre for your mother.” She looked into each nest in the blacksmith shop. “The goose is extremely valuable and your mother is safe and sound somewhere having a good time.”

Jack mulled this over in his mind for a few seconds. “What do you think the ogre is doing right now? Is he tearing up my mom’s house?”

Red shook her head and looked at the ogre’s castle. “I doubt it since he’s already been to your house according to your mom’s note. He’ll be scouring the countryside. I’m sure he will soon be checking Snow White’s cottage. Those seven trolls will steal thunder and snatch at lightning. We want to run across this courtyard as quick as possible. The ogre may have servants and I’d rather we not be seen.” She broke into a mad dash across the courtyard toward a side door. Ten seconds later, she opened the door and stepped inside.